1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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