i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
