she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
