Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
