So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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