Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
