why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
