Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
