I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
