she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
