hell yes lets make some ravioli
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
