I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
