ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
