I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
