look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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