Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
God, I missed his penis.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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