he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
