the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
