so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
