I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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