we have pet lesbian snakes
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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