I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
