Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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