So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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