people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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