Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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