i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
did i just pee glitter
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
