I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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