I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
