before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
