he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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