4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
