i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
not ubering you a puppy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
