the condom got lost in my hair
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
