so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
