he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dicks are not precious.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
