We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
