I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
