This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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