Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
