I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
