Whoa Z and x make the same sound
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
