I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
