Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
