Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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