I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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