so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
