My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Panties = found
Randomize
