she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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