the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
