biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
