hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
